Revitalizing Relationships: Conflict, Conflict, Conflict… - Part Two
By Meagan Garza | July 4
Blog Overview
Feeling like you're arguing in circles? This blog explores the signs of a repetitive conflict cycle, how it impacts your relationship, and offers solutions to fight better and reconnect.
Signs You're Stuck:
Constant bickering, big or small
Short tempers with your partner
Conversations turning into arguments
The Symptoms:
Lack of intimacy and emotional walls
Growing contempt for each other
Solutions for a Stronger Bond:
Practice empathy during conflict
Uncover the root of recurring fights
Learn to "fight fair" and create safe spaces for communication
Navigating Conflict in Love: From Hurtful Arguments to Healthy Communication
Romantic relationships are where we can find the deepest love and closeness, but also where we can experience deep hurt and emotional dysregulation amidst conflict. How is it that we can hurt the one we love the most with words of anger? How is it that the one who loves us most can wound us by lashing out? Conflict arises in every couple’s relationship, and actually, conflict is not necessarily bad! However, when we don’t know how to “fight right”, we can end up having very harmful arguments that don’t result in positive change or constructive conversation. Here, we’ll discuss how to recognize when you’re stuck in a conflict pattern and how that pattern can affect the relationship. We will also discuss how couples counseling can offer skills and a safe place to talk openly about conflict to find a safer, constructive, and more intimate way forward.
Conflict is Running Rampant
Many couples go through rough patches where all they seem to do is argue - loading the dishwasher, cleaning up after pets, making the bed, folding the towels just right, in-laws, making plans, budgeting, staying out too late, spending too much time at work, not having enough sex. These are just some of the topics of conflict I’ve heard in the therapy room. In this season, you might be thinking, “Is there anything we can’t fight about?!” If the constant arguments aren’t enough of a sign, perhaps you notice frequent irritability, short temper, or having arguments in your head when away from your partner. These signs may let you know it’s time to make a change in the relationship for each partner’s peace of mind.
Some other ways constant conflict can impact a relationship are:
Lack of physical, emotional, or conversational intimacy.
Lack of enjoyment doing activities together.
Significant change in one’s desire for time away from their partner.
Feeling like you’re walking on egg-shells around your partner.
Worry that you can’t say the right thing.
High emotional reactivity in conversation with your partner.
Constant Conflict? You're Not Alone: Rekindling the Spark in Your Relationship
Being in a state of near-constant conflict with your partner can make it hard to remember why you’re with them at all. Don’t worry - you’re not alone in experiencing this season. Many couples go through tough times of conflict, and typically, most arguments have the same unresolved problems.
A Couples Therapist Can:
Listen for and help a couple untangle patterns in conflict.
Get to the root of unresolved issues to break the cycle of arguing.
Help the couple rebuild trust.
Explore each partner’s meaning of the conflict and why it means so much to them.
Building Stronger Bonds: From Conflict to Deeper Intimacy
These skills can help move the relationship towards understanding, even if disagreement remains. Couples can then work toward a solution, compromise, and resolution. Moving forward, the couple will learn to have safer conflict in which each partner feels heard and acknowledged, leading to deeper intimacy and enjoyment of the relationship once more. To see more tips on how to have safer conflict, click here.
Get Help Now
Aletheia Therapy can help! Our experienced therapists can help you identify unhealthy conflict patterns and develop the tools you need to communicate more effectively. Schedule a couples session today and learn how to "fight better" for a happier, healthier relationship. Call or schedule your next couples session online and begin your healing journey today!
*Disclaimer: While all listed outcomes of couples counseling can be possible, there is no guarantee that you and your partner will experience any or all of the outcomes described. Your outcomes of counseling are based on each partner’s dedication, openness, the therapist with whom you work with, and their personal framework.
