By Meagan Garza | May 24, 2024

Recognizing When It's Time for Couples Counseling

Connection, relationships, and intimacy. People seek these things out in many places: friendships, family, social media, school, coworkers, romantic partners, even media like TV shows and movies where we feel like the characters are our friends. We long to feel seen and known by others and to know and see others deeply.  We might romanticize what a good, healthy relationship ought to look like, especially when our expectations come from media. But sometimes, relationships can feel lackluster, let us down, or leave us feeling worse off… why is that, and what do we do?

Romantic relationships are often times where we are most vulnerable, intimate, and unfiltered with our emotions and experiences. We look to these relationships to satisfy many needs resulting from our raw humanity and from old wounds. This vulnerability puts us at risk of great love, as well as great hurt, and can lead to minor day-to-day issues or big problems that fracture the relationship. How do you know when it’s time to seek outside help through couples counseling?

Looking for a refresh:

Just like regular visits for a dental cleaning or an annual doctors exam, a couple could seek counseling before things start to fall apart or yelling ensues. Being proactive about the health of your relationship can lead to stronger and more fulfilling times with your partner. Signs your relationship could use a tune up are:

• You feel more like amiable roommates with your partner, living parallel lives without much overlap.

• Your conversation has gone stale. You struggle to get out of the same-old-same-old routine of “How was your day?” “It was good, how was yours?” “It was alright. I had a boring meeting that cut into my lunch break.” “Ah, bummer.” “Yup.”

• You find yourself wondering who your partner really is or how they may have changed since you’ve been together, but don’t know how to find out more.

• Your sexual intimacy has fallen into a repetitive, mundane routine lacking fun, passion, or intimacy.

While the list of clues could go on, if your relationship is in this place odds are you’ve thought of your own list already. You’re not unhappy in the relationship but it doesn’t have the same shine it once did. This is incredible normal for relationships to experience and counseling can become as routine as your other health care visits.

Evolving Together:

I believe it’s important to acknowledge that relationships morph and change along with the people in them. The young, wild love you might have shared at the beginning of the relationship might seem to fade. You eventually feel like you know your partner as well as you know yourself, and life together feels very routine. However, change in the relationship dynamic doesn’t have to be negative. As people, we are meant to grow, learn, and shift into updated versions of ourselves, and a relationship is no different. 

The key is understanding how to grow with your partner instead of growing apart. When you grow with our partner, you can maintain the love, fun, enjoyment, and spontaneity of the relationship you may have once had.

Here's how couples counseling can help:

• Understand your partner's communication style to better hear what they’re asking for.

• Learn to express your expectations and make bids for connection.

• Discuss what new and fun things you’d like to explore together, and what those things mean to each of you.

• Learn how to have more constructive conflict.

• Grow in your intimacy of understanding and knowing one another through conversations around dreams, fears, meaning-making, and drives.

Remember, couples counseling isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength. It demonstrates your commitment to nurturing your relationship and building a future together. Don't wait until things fall apart – take charge of your relationship health and consider seeking a qualified couples counselor today. You deserve a love that thrives, and couples counseling can be the key to unlocking a lifetime of happiness together.

And stay tuned! In our next blog, we'll be diving into the world of big decisions, offering tips and strategies to help you navigate them with confidence with your significant other!